My Last Entry

In the first of May

It came like an appalling wind, no one was expecting it, including myself.....


There is for a certain reason why Xiaxue is one of the best bloggers in Singapore. And to me she is indeed the best blogger, because she inspires me.........to stop blogging.


I've screwed up my life - Xiaxue


The link above was an entry written by Xiaxue 3 years ago in 2004. During then Xiaxue talked about her secondary school life. Of how she started very well, but ended lousily towards her upper secondary. And how one led to another.....

I told myself, during sec 3, that I will not follow the usual normal scholar's route for several reasons:

1) I will be learning useless things such as F maths which will not gain me any money in future. These useless information will be taking up extra brain space and not coming to any use at all. In contrast, Polytechnics provide useful skills and knowledge.

2) I will do so well in Poly that I will go into University just the same.

3) I no longer need to wear flat shoes so I will not be so ashamed of my height.

4) I will be armed with both a dip and a degree when I go out to work in future, which is better than just a degree.


Most unfortunately, I think the decision to go into SP was the worst mistake I made in my life.

In Poly no one cares if you do well or not, so we were left to survive on our own. I was lazy, undriven, and not motivated. My priorities went to other unimportant stuff, such as BLOGGING (but at least good things came out of it, thank god)! My results were only as good as the average student, and I cannot go into University with a scholarship as I thought I could have. - Xiaxue

Two things Xiaxue and I do share in common, she does well in English Literature and she dreamt to become a lawyer. In the SPM examination, I got 6As, 2 Bs and 3Cs. For the 3Cs, it was Physics, Biology and Chemistry. And a B4 in Additional Maths. I was more than surprise to receive a result like that. In Malaysia, when a Chinese gets such results, you can't really survive. What more to say getting your preferred subjects in your chosen Local Universities. I was a failure, but in the name of Jesus, I see not what I was but what I could be.


Blogging is really fun, but again, to be a good blogger, and to make people read your blog, to bookmark it and come again and again. It takes more than just a casual blogger. And it takes much more time, thoughts and energy too.

If I had studied hard then and went into JC, I might be taking a Law degree now. No one can say I am stupid except fellow Law students, but that's ok. The people at insipid forums are not even in the league to discuss my intellect. My starting pay will be $2,500, and I'll possibly set up a partnership with EK called Wong & Cheng partnership.

As Wong kindly informed me, my name would have sounded like this:

Cheng Yan Yan Wendy, NUS LLBS (Hons)

BUT ALAS! What was I thinking? What do I have now? -Xiaxue

People asked me since I got my As in subjects that is more related to Arts, why don't I just continue form 6 in the Arts stream and forfeit the Science. The reason is simple, I never believe in giving up. I won 2 trophies in public speaking by telling people one thing - never give up, pursue your dreams. Even though sometimes they may seem too far you fail to see the possibilities in fulfilling it. I do not brag, but I am a charismatic speaker when I speak of things I firmly believe in. I do it like I own the stage, the room, the audience, the world and all that's in it. I believe people do not lose out because they are lousy, people lose out because they choose to give up.


Yet there is something I need to know, I have to learn that in pursuing one's dream, you do not only have to talk the talk, but also walk the walk. For talk is cheap, but there has to be steps taken and works driven to achieve. God cannot multiply the works of your hands to a hundred fold if what you put in from the very beginning is zero. 100 x 0 = 0


I can easily spend time doing pointless things 2 years from now, but not now, not in such a time like this for me.

I shall end this bitter blog entry with a gentle reminder to myself that I should listen to my mother's advice in future. "Du shu hao," she used to tell me. "Girl, you got the talent to study, then make use of it, don't keep playing."

To all the young kids reading this, make sure you go into JC if you can.

Meanwhile, it is time for me to prove my worth. I shall be driven and motivated from now on. Procrasination? That word will not exist in my dictionary.

By tonight, I will set up a media center for my blog, and by next month, I promise some new exciting features.

If everything goes by plan, I will be driving a SLK in three years, unless I decide on a nicer car. You wait and see. =D - Xiaxue

That piece of letter up there came from Xiaxue 3 years ago. Xiaxue, the blogger who receives 30,000 unique hits or readers in her website per day. 3 years has come and gone, today, she is very much the same her, nothing has changed. She still sounds very average financially, no SLK or a car though, very popular but not exactly practical. That's how you go with a personal blog I guess. But one thing she taught me very well:

To all the young kids reading this, make sure you go into JC if you can. -Xiaxue

I am different, I don't know whether all of us think like that of ourselves or it's just me. But I see myself very special, very unique and I am above average thoughts, average minds and average performance. That doesn't necessarily has to make me a proud person. But I refuse to fail in what I want to see myself successful. Am I saying that Xiaxue's life sucks? Absolutely not, she is living great. But what I'm saying is, I know at this moment of time, it's just better for me to do what I should be doing.

I hate this. People used to ask me what stream I was when I was in secondary school, Express, Normal Academic, or Normal Tech?

I took pride in replying, "Special."

Because that's what I am.

Now when people ask me whether I am in Poly or Uni, I can merely say Poly - and they nod, like they totally expected me to be a Poly girl, because I do not seem like the JC type. Not that Poly is an embarrassment, but if people used it as a yardstick for my worth, then I wanna say I could have gone into Uni anytime I wanted.

But I cannot say that, because there is no proof. -Xiaxue

Just in case you're wondering all these fuss I created is at all necessary. This post alone took me 3 hours to write. 1/2 an hour to recheck my sentences and whether I'm making it too hard for you to read. You want to be a good blogger? You want to be the next Xiaxue? You gotta do 1000 times better than me. Because 1000 times of me should give you 100,000 readers per day.


So for the meanwhile, this will be my last entry in this blog. Throughout this journey, I earned myself Rm20 from Ejunction ads, Rm26 USD through paypal (which I spent to buy a shirt and they charge me 9.50USD for shipping fees!), Rm10.74 from Nuffnang which I think I'll probably not be able to cash it out as I haven reached the minimum earnings, 5 crappy USD from Google Adsense (useless thing) and a 3-6 month (Rm300 per month) blogging job which I recently talked over with a guy. I wonder if he stills wanna hire me after I stop blogging. And by far my greatest achievement in blogging is having Kenny Sia blog plug me and having Xiaxue replying my comment to her post. I know, they are totally useless in getting me a permanent job, to feed my wife and kids.


Whoever you are my readers, God bless you richly. I still have 83 members in my crappy friendster fans club! Live and let live, they are all my friends.


Goodbye guys. I love you all. *Smile warmly and wave my hand as I slowly fade away, just like the movie usually does.........*

Just right before you leave a comment, I hope you could for once play this song I have below. Please do it before you leave a possibly angry, contradicting and discouraging comment. Cheers.



First of May - Bee Gees